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ABBOTT: Hey Lou! How’d you like to go to a Dodger’s game? I got two free tickets.

COSTELLO:  Where did you get the tickets?

ABBOTT:  A friend gave ‘em to me.  He was going to take his son, but then he changed his mind.

COSTELLO:  What made him change his mind?

ABBOTT:  The Dodgers were going to honor a group of nuns.

COSTELLO:  What’s wrong with that?

ABBOTT:  The nuns were gay men dressed as nuns.

COSTELLO:  Jeez!  Why would they do that?

ABBOTT:  Oh, it was all in good fun.

COSTELLO:  If it was all in good fun why didn’t he want his son to see it?

ABBOTT:  Well, he’s a devout Catholic, and the drag queen nuns go around mocking the Catholics’ faith.

COSTELLO:  Didn’t the Catholics complain?

ABBOTT:  Sure, they complained.  And the Dodgers cancelled the drag queens so as not to offend Catholics.

COSTELLO:  Then, how come your friend’s not going to the game?

ABBOTT: Because the drag nuns and the gay community and a bunch of big corporations complained. So, the Dodgers reversed themselves and re-invited the anti-Catholic group.

COSTELLO:  Is that why they’re called “Dodgers”?

ABBOTT:  What are you? A wise guy? They’ve always been called the Dodgers. First, they were the Brooklyn Dodgers and now they’re the LA Dodgers.

COSTELLO:  You mean they transitioned?

ABBOTT:  You could call it that: first, they identified with Brooklyn, then they identified with L.A. In this country you can identify with whatever you want.

COSTELLO:  I always identified with Clark Gable, but it never did me any good. (shrugs)

ABBOTT:  Just be yourself, kid. That’s all that matters.

COSTELLO:  But the drag sisters aren’t being themselves. They’re pretending to be nuns. That’s not nice. Maybe Catholics should boycott the game.

ABBOTT:  Nah, the game is too important. It transcends our differences. It’s the great American pastime. It stands for all the things that make America great: courage, honesty, family, wholesomeness, keeping your word, being morally straight.

COSTELLO:  But the Dodgers don’t stand for any of those things.

ABBOTT:  Yeah, yeah; but you gotta learn to play ball.

COSTELLO: (exasperated) But they already know how to play ball!

ABBOTT: “Play ball” is just an idiom. It means you gotta learn to play the game. You gotta go along to get along. Don’t you know anything about baseball?

COSTELLO:  I know Who’s on first.

ABBOTT:  See what I mean? Don’t you know that Who’s no longer on the team?

COSTELLO:  What happened to him?

ABBOTT:  He got kicked off the team for misgendering.

COSTELLO:  Who is Miss Gendering?

ABBOTT:  That’s what I’m saying. Who is misgendering.

COSTELLO:  How can he be a miss if he’s a mister?

ABBOTT:  You don’t seem to understand. Misgendering is when you use the wrong pronoun. It’s a crime. You can go to jail for misgendering.

COSTELLO:  But I don’t even know Miss Gendering!

ABBOTT:  Do I have to explain everything to you? Who’s no longer on first base. He’s been replaced by Jackson. Jackson’s pronoun is “them.” So, you should say, “Them’s on first.” Understand?

COSTELLO:  But I thought there’s only supposed to be one first baseman.

ABBOTT:  Those are the old rules. The rules have changed.

COSTELLO:  What if I don’t understand the new rules?

ABBOTT:  Nobody understands them. But keep it to yourself or else them will cancel your contract.

COSTELLO:  Sheesh! Where is them? I’m going to have my lawyers talk to them.

ABBOTT:  I told you. Them’s on first.