Baby Shower Debate
August 28th, 2007 · Notebook ·
We’ve all had baby showers for our not-yet-here children. I was six months pregnant when I had mine. Or was it seven? I don’t even remember. (This is why I like to keep a daily planner/diary on hand.) And I think everything I got then was either outgrown, spit-up on, or encountered some other horrible disaster that led to it’s demise. In other words, I’ve had to throw away about half of it. Or I’ve given it to the ever so lovely Good Will for one reason or another.
But when that second or third bundle of joy comes along, do we get another shower, and receive even more stuff to dress and entertain our kids with? Or are we expected to keep all the stuff we got the first time. My mom says no, you don’t get another shower. Or at least she did at the time. The opinions of my in-laws do not count on this subject because they did nothing. They didn’t even come to the shower they were invited to. But other people may say yes, you do in fact get another one for each child. I guess it depends on the decisions made by the people at the time.
What was/will be your situation? Did you/are you getting more then one shower?
I'm Jen, and I'm a twenty-five year old WAHM and freelance web designer. This is my personal weblog and mini online collective. Welcome! 
August 28th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Great question. This just came up in our family. My niece asked me if she could have a second shower for the new baby. My take on it is that it’s somewhat tacky. Parents should still have the majority of the items from the first baby. Some things may be ruined, but not the majority of it.
I’d bend those rules if mom has teenagers and then is pregnant again and all of her items are way outdated and/or not safe by today’s safety standards.
August 28th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
When the younger of my two daughters was born, the second shower was pushed on us, though we found it to be very tacky. I’ll second Karen’s take in saying that if your other children are beyond the baby and toddler stage (say, school age), you would not necessarily still have all the baby gear around.
The rules on this, as most social things, change regionally. In the deep South, it’s common to have the second shower, but to make it obvious that it’s 1) a celebration of a new baby, and 2) that it’s a “diapers and wipes” occasion, and that gifts of baby gear are not expected or wanted.
My (then) wife had grown up in rural PA, and was just horrified by the idea of having multiple showers….
August 28th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Right after my baby shower (I was 7 months along at the time - I think) my mother told me to take care of the things I got, because the first child is the only one that gets a shower. I guess that’s some kind of tradition or something…and a way to save money - especially for those people that pop out kids left and right.
I think one baby shower is all anyone needs. 
August 28th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
I’ve never even heard of people having two baby showers. I think it seems to be in poor taste, but that’s just my opinion.
August 29th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Now, around here everyone has a shower to celebrate each and every baby.
We still had some items needed from one to the next. We have three boys, but two were born in the summer and one in the dead of winter. That drastically changes your clothing choices.
We were given three showers. That is normal around here (SW Missouri). On the second and third shower, however, we got a lot less gifts. That’s the way it should be, I think. People really stuck to our registry for the second and third. There was so little on it that the showers were mostly fun, games, and a celebration of each new little life.
August 29th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Not only do I think having multiple showers are tacky but I think it’s downright greedy. People can’t expect other people to support their child. That’s just not how it works. The first one is nice but I don’t even really like that idea or a bridal shower. I’m not good at taking handouts because I’ve worked hard to get where I am but I understand it is tradition and therefore, I will succomb because otherwise it will be a nightmare.
As others have said, a second shower might be appropriate if someone got pregnant years after the fist one and clearly do not have anything from the previous child.
August 30th, 2007 at 12:40 am
Being that I’ve never had a baby, let alone a baby shower, I can’t say much on the subject. However, I don’t see anything wrong with having multiple showers for multiple children. I don’t think so as far as receiving tons of gifts, as that would be a bit tacky, but more a shower to celebrate the arrival of another new baby. Does that make any sense? *lol* I think everyone has their own feelings on the subject, but anyone who would demand a second, third, or Goddess forbid, fourth shower for their new children just for the sake of getting more presents, is both rude and exceptionally greedy.
x despair
September 1st, 2007 at 10:00 am
I had no shower with my firstborn, so my family (in-laws) gave me one with my second. We totally needed one to since she was a girl & our oldest a boy!
I think in some cases, a second shower is okay, but in most it’s very likely overkill. I do, however, love the idea of blessingways for subsequent babies! =D
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:05 pm
There is very common to do our baby shower before our expecting baby born.But now a day many of them fee comfort to do after the baby born, because they want to be active in the baby shower without worried with the baby. And don’t forget, there are many Baby Shower Ideas out there, so you could make the best baby shower to your baby.
goonie
September 4th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
My first pregnancy was twins, boy/girl. I had pink things, blue things and gender neutral things. I was set. I am pregnant now, with another girl. Personally, if I think if I did not have a garage full of girly things already, I would want another shower. If the second baby is a different gender, I think its fine to have a light-hearted, gender specific shower. When my brother and his wife had their first girl we got them very girly things (ruffle-butt tights, hair detangler, a My Little Pony book, etc). It was fun and it had a different mood than a “shower.” It was gender specific gifts meant to acknowledge that much of what they thought they knew about parenting was about to change!
September 9th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
I’ve got one child and never had a baby shower for him. I’d already been given loads of stuff and felt a bit weird about having a baby shower as well, especially when people usually give presents upon the actual birth.
September 9th, 2007 at 11:56 pm
For my son, who is now 31, I was given a small shower from my friends at work a few before I took off to have him. 16 months later, our daughter was born. No shower. Friends gave individually what they wanted to give. That was a very long time ago. My daughter had a shower for the first of her 4 children. I don’t think she was given a shower for #2, 3, or 4.
September 10th, 2007 at 8:56 am
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a second baby shower, especially if it’s given by a friend. A circumstance where it is very helpful is of you have a different gender the second time.
But Baby Showers are not about the gifts, folks! They are about celebrating the new life that will be entering our world! If you think it’s tacky to ask for gifts, then specify “no gifts” or “diapers and wipes”. Or “cards only”.
I personally love it when my friends invite me to celebrate their new family member.
September 12th, 2007 at 1:10 am
I believe all children deserve a celebration and to have something new for them.
September 14th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
I think it is ok to have a second baby shower. When I had my 3rd and 4th child though I didn’t have one. Instead a few friends took me to a nice brunch and gave me a few gifts.
November 15th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
I think we are all forgetting that it’s called a “BABY” shower. The party is for the baby, not the parents. The purpose of the shower is not to buy gifts for the parents, but for the child. And it’s also to celebrate the birth of another person. Everything is so focused on money that we forget what the real meaning is behind the celebration.
November 18th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
We threw my aunt a baby shower for each of her first 2 pregnancies. With the first pregnancy, it was a boy, so everything was very gender specific and whatnot. My aunt was pregnant again within a year, and we threw her a shower for that pregnancy too since she was having twin girls.
I think in the case of multiples the second time around, or if you’re having a child that is ten or more years younger than their sibling(s), it is perfectly fine to have more than one shower.
December 1st, 2007 at 6:45 pm
I had one for each kid but the second one was a total surprise. I was not even expecting one or anything. I say that if someone wants to throw one for a friend that is pregnant then good for them, but I would not hint to a friend or relative to throw me another. I was actually invited to one thrown by a family member where the gal was having her fifth kid and I knew she had two year old twins so therefore had two of everything she would need. I felt it was a tad tacky so I didn’t attend.
December 9th, 2007 at 4:40 am
The baby shower is kinda like a glory box for expecting parents. They are given a whole heap of “stuff” that all parents “need” for their family. It’s not for the first child - it’s for all the up and coming offspring. It’s just the first child gets to use it all brand spanking new. That’s why people usually don’t give a second - ’cause once you have one child, you have every thing you need. Apparently.
January 8th, 2008 at 11:01 am
I’m am mom of a 3 1/2 year old and am now expecting twins..A lot of people have brought up baby shower…I had one for my first pregnancy (which we had no idea what we were having so everything was green, yellow, & white) so we ended up buying most of her clothes. I still have her crib, a bassinett, a swing, and all her big activity toys…When I brought up baby shower to my brothers side of the family I kinda got an attitude that it would be too tacky, which yes I feel really weird having another but a lot of people brought to my attention, I am having twins…Does this make it okay to have another??
January 13th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Found on mom blog network.. I was JUST thinking about this yesterday. I figure that it’s more exciting the first time around. If your 2nd child is the opposite sex then why not. Even if you have another shower, people don’t have to necessarily buy you the latest and cutesy products, they can provide you with things that you need such as diapers, undies, bottles, stuff like that.
January 14th, 2008 at 4:45 am
After a lot of trying, my first baby was escorted in with two showers, one with family and one with coworkers and friends. I was overwhelmed at all the turnout and the beautiful things we received. Not knowing what we were having, we were set for anything–including the daughter we ended up having. When we had a son under 2 years later, I was given a shower by a different, new set of coworkers and was embarrassed to have to go and register (what could I possibly need?). Another 5 years went by and we prepared for baby number three, again, gender unknown. My creative sisters decided to host a shower to celebrate and, since I had still most everything, they used it as a chance to get together and have a lovely luncheon. I did receive a few things for the baby, but the “theme” of the shower was a pampering shower (not baby pampering, but big, pregnant, hot-in-the-middle-of-the-summer momma pampering). I received lotions and soaps, slippers, lightweight jammies and nighties, treats to eat (many that were other mom’s favorites when they were pregnant) and a lot of things that made me feel nice at the hospital and in the weeks after my delivery. There was no string around the belly embarrassment, just a lot of companionship and celebration–just what I needed at that time.
February 21st, 2008 at 4:41 pm
I live in the south and I see many people give showers for each baby but I have to say that I wish it had not come to this. It seems greedy to me. It is especially difficult when most of these parents seem to think they shouldn’t have to pay for their own baby’s items. Also, many moms don’t seem grateful, nor do they even send thank you notes! A baby shower is supposed to be an exciting time to celebrate with the woman who is about to become a mom for the first time. It should be showers only for the first baby, and just let us bring gifts for the next babies after they are born as we come to visit them and bring them a meal.
April 14th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
I don’t see what the problem is with having another shower. I have a 3 yr old and am expecting my 2nd baby and I have kept majority of things, but I wouldn’t see why I shouldn’t or couldn’t have a shower for the 2nd baby for the celebration of the baby. I don’t feel gifts are required, but if someone wants to buy something for the baby, I’m not going to turn it down. I think that showers are normally given by your closest friends and family, so I don’t think they would feel it is being greedy. It’s another chance to get together with family and friends, eat, socialize and play silly games. It’s fun and you’ll take pictures that you’ll save for baby #2. I think its crazy to think that just because you have more than one child, that poor baby #2 gets all the leftovers and that it is expected that whatever you get for baby #1 is supposed to be passed down to all the next children. Some of that stuff doesn’t last that long, sorry. I think if any of my closest friends/family would have a problem with a 2nd baby shower, than they shouldn’t come, but then what does that prove? You can still come and not bring a gift, there is no requirement for gift giving, just come to celebrate the 2nd baby, which is what its all about!
April 16th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I think it is tacky to have second and third showers. That being said, I have been invited to “meet and greet” luncheons for the new mother and baby. Part of the invitation said “no gifts please.” However, I would have given thiese new mothers a gift anyways, so I brought one, and didn’t expect to see her open it during the luncheon. This seems to be a tasteful way to celebrate a new secondd and third child.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Okay so I wrote back in January about me having twins and having another baby shower..Well a good friend of mine talked me into it and she and a family member are throwing me one..I had one for my daughter 4 years ago and still have most of her big items…I am not inviting any friends that came to the first shower this is just a small shower for our family which I feel now that they would buy regardless so why not celebrate having twins and my daughter is excited to be part of it too! I do not have a regristry and am not planning on making one either…My husband and I are buying all the BIG things we need (double stroller, car seats, another crib, etc….) As I still feel a little weird having another I think that it will all turn out fine. And you only make it tacky when you expect people to do these outrageous things for you which we don’t expect that at all!!
April 29th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Two baby showers really does seem a bit excessive, but then again it’s up to you.
May 20th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I have one child and did not have a baby shower. Whoever wanted to give gifts gave them. I bought a lot of big ticket items as did my parents.
I think that baby showers are tacky, as did my mother.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:22 am
aBSOLUTELY ITS IS TACKY BUT THE ONLY GOOD THING IS YOU GET GOOD GIFTS BUT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR BABAY YOU MIGHT WANT TO DO IT PRIVATELY.